When the past calls

Remember the Magician, no?

I had been texting with magician for a while - he was on a long business trip to Vegas  and then work came up  and blah blah blah. The texts got pretty overtly sexual to the point where I wasn’t feeling it anymore, considering I hadn’t ever met this person, and so I said, “This is getting a bit intense for me since we have not yet met in person. When you get back , give me a call and we can go on a proper date and see how if we click.”

He would alway be like yeah yeah yeah okay and go right back to it well today I got a text from him 

 He turned on a dime and immediately laid in to me because I basically told him I didn’t want to sext him anymore. Called me every name in the book.

Yeah Well

You apparently don't.

As I have often said its hard to be disabled online because people think you can't have sex but if you put it out there people just want to have sex with you.....What do you do 

Well as i explained yesterday I have my mile high club posting and I saw it work badly and then I saw it work great.....or so I thought, It lead him to explain to me that he was into

Well something along the lines of a "personal assistant" roleplay, though sounds like you get around fine haha. But "helping" with bathing, dressing/undressing, getting into bed, joining in bed... and any other intimate details ;-) Though not sure how long the act could go before spiraling into sex haha

Uh......

Now Disabled kink is a thing, a think I want no part of and this message may of come at a bad time when I feel like a terrible disabled person. I am a terrible disable person first and for most, I am in deniel, I don't complain, most of the issues I am on the fence about, and well if you start telling me about something that sounds like you are complaining I roll my eyes at you....

and I probably just lost my followers, Amy Poehler has a great motto Good for you, not for me that I think is my go to from now on and I have to remember it quite often these days. Speaking of this amazing book. 

There’s a chapter, “sorry, sorry, sorry,” in which Poehler, in great play-by-play detail, describes an incident in which she waited years and years to apologize for hurting someone. She was playing Dakota Fanning in a Saturday Night live sketch—the bit hinged on Fanning’s over-the-top precocity and, by extension, her inability to relate to or understand children and childlike interests—and, in this episode, Poehler-as-Fanning announced that she was the lead in a movie called Hurricane Mary, “where my sister and I play severely disabled twins.” Poehler writes that, at the time, she was busy and assumed the movie was something the writers made up; in the sketch, she takes out a mangled-looking doll and says that it can’t play with the Miley Cyrus doll: “I wish I could but I am severely disabled.”

Poehler got a letter months after the episode aired from Marianne Leone and Chris Cooper who, respectively, wrote and directed Hurricane Mary, a real movie based on a real girl who really had cerebral palsy. (they also had a son that died from Cerebral Palsy but that isn't mentioned or maybe not even known) 

The letter, Poehler writes, “was simple and painful.” But she did not reply or apologize; instead, she got angry and embarrassed. She threw the note in the trash. Five years later, through a conversation with Spike Jonze (as Poehler points out, “I bet you didn’t expect so many A-list names in my apology story!”), she was able to reach out to Leone, Cooper and Anastasia, the girl upon whom Hurricane Mary was based.

The entire email exchange is in the book. It is not all forgiveness and loveliness and the-past-is-in-the-past. Poehler writes about having done a “shitty thing” and she does not just let herself off the hook for that thing. Poehler even edits her own apology, looking back on the original email she sent, highlighting the weak spots, the moments when she was flailing around, insisting on facts and excuses, when she should have drilled down to what really mattered, the way that she hurt someone else.

I read this and though it wasn't Amy's fault, also its SNL who haven't they made fun of. I want to meet her and hug her and tell her its not her fault and that I laughed.

anyways see what I mean, I prefer living with my disability being able to laugh at myself and I know not everyone can handle that

My ex hated it that my mom called me her Freak baby I for one get where she is coming from because she sees as her beautiful child and has to stop and be like why is everyone staring at my baby.

anyways so I was in this weird where do I stand in the disabled world when I got this message, might I also note that I am very lucky to have my mom and my friends who listen to me when I have these moments and mostly my friend James who is a special ed teacher who gets it and usually makes me laugh.

anyways I just got asked if I would act out another guys fantasy with him and so I uh need to change my most private thing....maybe I should ask around see what story would be best.

Until then