whole Heartily

I used to have to drive 4 and half hours across state to get medical care for my disability, I spent a lot of my life in cars. I think that is why I don't mind traffic now and it also makes me amazing at the Freeze out game! 

I remember vividly sitting in the passenger seat and my mother telling me that I do everything with my whole heart and that its one of the great things about me. I will love someone with every inch of me she said and I will stand by them until I can't anymore, makes sense since I did love a guy for 5 years and he didn't even live in the same state as me. 

So maybe thats why when I guy I have decided has hurt me long enough text me that he is having issues with his mother (whom he lives with, did I know this?!?!?!) I listen, I try and help. Why?

Does it suddenly fix things, oh this is why he works all the time he has to pay for his mother. But then again he did go to Magic Castle on Monday and could of invited me.....

Does it change things that he has a bad home life and that maybe this was just a way to escape them?

I don't know.

That pretty much sums us up I don't know.

He says things one minute like I really want to meet you and then the next that his personal life is horrible and he thinks he needs to get it together before bringing me in.

Now I get that, all last year I didn't want to date because of my life, although you can't really plan life.

and if we were to ever meet would I fully trust him? and for this moment last night I thought about him and something we used to talk about when the conversation was good and I missed him. That is what is annoying though every time I have tried to move on....we're going on 3rd time (probably should of been more) he pops up again!! I thought maybe we could just be friends. I have done that with guys I met online we just became texting buddies because we never got it together to meet....I don't know I am just so confused.

I know I deserve better than this........

In other news this girl wrote into me at work (something that has nothing to do with dating unless you already have a date planned) and said she likes this guy at school and thinks he likes her too but doesn't know and what do I think.

Flash back to high school when I liked this boy and all my friends said clearly he liked me we all saw it. A month later me chasing him down the hall to ask him to Homecoming (I believe that was the year I got rejected 8 times not to beat out this nice guy wade who was rejected 13, now that I think about it if only we had asked each other) only to have him tell me no and well no he didn't like me.

So I told her I have no idea and I don't think anyone really does except for you and him. Relationships are hard.

I'm gonna go drink tea and swear off dating for the next two months (don't worry I can pull out some oldies) Lets hope mister I need to get my personal life together sticks with that and I don't get anymore text messages.

and maybe I'm a doormat but

I am the most beautiful doormat you have ever walked over.