Woah!!

Its been pretty quite in the dating world. Since my last date I have gotten two messages.

1. For most private thing I am willing to admit but I hate this profile part. So I added that I have a no fail plan to join the mile high club (which I do really) I had a guy ask me about this and involves basically using my disability to my advantage here so it sort of works out well that I can point out that side of me again, and when he doesn't reply you know why.....which is what happened.

2.Hey it looks like we have a lot in common. What are you looking for on here?

I hate this question so I used to say I don't really think I will know what I am looking for until it hits me in the face. 

I have also answered with:I guess to sum up what I am looking for is to just find someone I click with,Being able to find someone you click with so naturally is the best feeling ever. You feel like you’ve been best friends you’re whole life, it feels like you’re coming home. You’re so comfortable with them.

Maybe now I should just shorten it to: Chemistry. 

So I answer the dude and check out his profile he doesn't ever want kids (and you know that its a thing) but he apparently is super duper against tattoos, Now I have dated many a guy who tattoos not their thing, cool! They have never once said anything about mine, now I have job aspirations that limit me being to open with my tattoos so you only see them if I choose to show you but this guy dreams of removing everyones off so needless to say this is not a good match. I'll keep looking. 

I have had a ton of people look at my profile which can be heartbreaking let me tell you but then I started to wonder if I have reached the level where it says I hardly reply. 

There a 3 levels of messaging on Okcupid, Green: response often Orange: Response sometimes, and Red: Hardly Response 

If I see a guys profile with the Orange or the Red I never write them first and so I wonder if thats happening but here is the thing. 

Here’s a little secret - everyone reads their messages. EVERYONE. There has  never been a time in my online dating career that I have simply just not read a message. reading the messages is one of the best parts of this whole online dating mess! You never know what you’re going to get and if you aren’t taking this all too seriously, messages are almost always highly entertaining.

Now to responses. I tend to respond to messages that make the sender seem interesting and legitimately interested in me. Cheeky. Unique in some way. It also helps if, in the message, there is some sort of indicator they have read at least some of my profile. And well-written compliments. Compliments ALWAYS work. Not pick-up lines, mind you. Real, genuine compliments. 

But I have 5 guys who message me weekly who I have no interest in and they are always just deleted. 

You jumbled up your message so good with typos, misspellings, and text speak shortcuts, I can’t immediately understand what you are actually trying to say, let alone imagine myself sitting across the table from you at a decent restaurant discussing something interesting. I know it seems pretty jaded and uppity to totally rule someone out based on typos but you know what? No one is messaging against the clock here. Take the time to read your message over! ESPECIALLY IF IT IS ONLY TWO SENTENCES LONG, I am a bit understanding I grew up in a house of all dyslexic people and if you only saw my mothers facebook comments you would understand but you know.....There is a difference between lazy and you know.....

You creep me out. Either your message was too sexual in a way that just doesn’t resonate with me or you write something that makes me think I could be dealing with a future stalker. Or it’s just weird and I don’t feel like going there.

 I have read your message and it didn’t blow me away, so I checked out your profile and determined I wasn’t attracted to you. Rather than engaging you in a few messages, I have decided it’s not going anywhere and I’m going to save us both the time and just not respond.

 I pride myself on being a lady and being kind. Mostly. In the beginning of my online dating adventure, I thought the whole no-response bit was pretty rude. So I responded to just about everyone.

Over time, I realized this was a terrible mistake.

Online dating really only works well if you are able to really hone in on what you are looking for and engage with people that meet whatever criteria you have set up for yourself. Are you looking for someone to hang out with a few times a month? Are you interested in finding someone with long term potential? Are you DTF this evening? All of these are fine. You just need to pick one or at least know which one you are focusing on during any particular period of time.

If you cast the net too wide, this shit gets overwhelming. And time consuming. Plus - it is just silly to think you could be looking for a casual hook-up and a potential husband all in the same mind-set. I mean, you could be doing that but I bet you aren’t getting anywhere. Manage your own expectations and I really think you’ll have a better time of it.

And sometimes people online, cloaked by the veil of Internet anonymity, can be really fucking mean when they are rejected.Trust me, I learned the hard way.

“I wouldn’t put you in a room with any girl I would ever date. You disgusting slut.”

I have also gotten worse like "who would date a disabled girl anyways" and "It took me a lot of courage to message you and you can't even fucking respond you whore" (side note that guys still checks my profile daily, I should make this into a drinking game and it could be way more fun! 

Now of course, not all guys are  insane. But still. All it takes is one.

As I wrote this I got 3 more messages: 

1. A Marine I think could be Spam:hello baby how are you doing I am dave

I don't know how I like the baby so much but I will give him a shot 

2.So what's the way to approach this to start a conversation with you?

I have to try so hard not to send something sassy back, anyways maybe writing helps bring in the boys! I will keep you posted. 

Update:  I sent him in which he could catch my eye and if not to help me maybe it will help some other lady out there, also he is a comedian and as you can see from this blog post I like people who make me LOL. His profile was lame and he did not make me LOL