This was how I spent my day

I think I mentioned it here (maybe not) that I am taking a stab at online dating, yeah.......... not for me. Its this site called Okcupid which sets you up with people based on answered you take on quizzes. a roommate got me into it like 5 years ago and I mostly went to take quizzes and not people and I think it was fun for like a week.

anyways I went back the other day because my friend met her future husband there and I have been seeing those stupid ads for Match.com and mostly because I thought maybe I can meet a friend just like me and we can go out and do exciting things.

I am not an online dater. I have this one guy and we've been chatting back and forth and I am not sure if I like what he says and I am not physically attracted to him (which makes me feel like a horrible judgmental person) I sit and over analyze every written word he says and I hate when he makes me answer things like "so what do you think of me so far"

a friend of mine from High school and I were talking about how it doesn't work for me because if I tell them I am disabled now they get this stereotypes and judgments in there head and will stop talking to me, if I go and meet them without telling them they get mad. also people get mad about my photos. My crutches don't define me as a person so I have a lot of pictures where I just don't have them, its something my mom used to do.

I met a guy on myspace a few years back, he was exactly what I was looking for in a guy at the time and all my friends said he was perfect for me (he was a bit young) but they encouraged me to talk to him, I did everyday, and we started liking eachother and on New Years eve he told me he liked me and I could tell I was falling for him, We were planning to meet at Disneyland, Well I hadn't told him I was Disabled yet and was torn about what to do, I went over to my best friends house and after much debate that night we decided I best tell him in case he turned out to be an asshole about it and leave me there at Disnyland, I did and he first thought it was just a broken leg or something and after I explained it more he got kinda weird, we still talked but it was never the same. I did finally meet him he was working at Disneyland and I was visiting and I went up and said Hi, it was completely awkward and we haven't spoken since.

anyways in talking with this friend she told me about this thesis paper she did in college on online dating and how its all about looks, how people want talk to you if you don't have a picture and how pictures are the first thing you look out, Its kinda true and I find myself doing the same thing, and I hate that.

I also had this weird moment of guilt e-mailing a new guy when I've been e-mailing another, but that's just stupid right? and I ended up not talking to the guy because I didn't like his photo (How Horrible is this)

Now I believe physical attraction is important but trust me my friends will tell you I don't fall for the typical good looking, I start to find them good looking after they make me laugh, or do something really kind, I get to know them more and the more and more I know them the more Physically attracted to them I am, but there are just some types I don't go for.

but then I Feel bad because then I wonder if I judge them just as I get so hurt by others judging me.




I found out one of my good friends (and his wife I adore) are moving to Austin. I am super bummed :(

I don't want them to go I like them a lot, and he plays bass in like 3 bands who is going to replace him?

and I kinda want him to set me up with his best friend, how is that going to happen now?



WHO am I going to tell I would happily dress up like a disco ball for the show in case they forget theirs without them thinking I am crazy or a stupid fan?



On the bright side Austin has been a dream place for me to travel to for a year now and I guess I have a good reason, he said I could come visit and stay and I am takin him up on it!!