Love and marriage, love and marriage

The little girl that dreamed of wearing the white dress one day is in a funk. Okay this 34 year old dreaming of her wedding is in a funk. 

The person I love most in this world and see myself marrying one day.....doesn't believe in marriage. So I turned to google. (the instant friend when its to early to talk to your own friends)

This first article was the "girltalk" I needed from a best friend. Here are some of of the lines I am going to come back and read when I need them most.



I have always imagined I would get married one day. The dress, the chapel and the elaborate planning has never appealed to me, but creating a home with the person I love and opening myself up to that level of intimacy and commitment, does. I view marriage as a creative and serious life endeavor: two people coming together and building a shared life they can both thrive in as individuals.



 I understand this person and I like it here. In fact, I think I could do this for a very long time. My boyfriend is adorable, loving, talented, funny, thoughtful, intelligent and above all, very kind. He shows up for our relationship every day in small and large ways. It’s the relationship I have always wanted and it may never, ever lead to marriage. How do I know this? He told me so.

 I started by asking myself, Do I want get married one day? The answer? Yes. Then I asked, Do I need to be married in order to be happy? No. From there, I asked, Do I need to be in a relationship where I feel loved, respected, and understood? The answer: yes, absolutely.


To go even further I then asked myself a series of hypothetical questions: If my boyfriend never wants to get married, will I feel resentful? Will this ruin our relationship? Will I be missing out on something really important? These took me weeks to answer. Every morning I looked around at our life. At the laughter, the friendship and the love. No. The answer was no. How could I ever feel resentful for all of this?

Above all, here is how I have made peace with the situation: I am now, right now, with the person I love and if I never get married, I will not look back on my life and say that I did not spend my years, my days, my moments with the person I most wanted to. Because I have and I am and this is what matters most to me.

I think the difference for me is that sometimes we talk about getting married "our wedding" after we go to a wedding or with friends. He has a lot of friends and family that ask when we're getting married (he's from the south). I have a large amount of luck with this because my closest friends really aren't big on marriage and I am open enough with my family that I can say "he doesn't believe in marriage, and that's okay" and the respect that. 

But we've talked about it and each time that happens I think a little big of spark and hope happens. We agree on wedding stuff. The talks that we have makes me dream of that big day. 

I add another pin to the secret Pinterest board I have planning our wedding. But then like last night the real talk happens about not wanting to get married and I get sad. So maybe to move on and be like my new BFF from Google I need to focus on what we have and not what we won't and I need to not even bring up anything involving Weddings. I might still keep the pinterest board but I just won't look at it anymore or add anything to it. I mean some of that stuff can be great for parties!! LOL. 

I've also helped a lot of friends with wedding things and it has come in handy for that. 

Then there is the Disability factor that everyone thinks we aren't meant to be married.

You hear stories like this one:

Within three days of becoming engaged, I had already been told that I shouldn’t wear my glasses, because they’re not bridal. I was told my cane wasn’t bridal. I was told my eye… was not bridal. And I realized that if I was going to be “bridal” in their eyes, I was going to have to change who I am. I am proudly disabled.

I've been told that no guy would want to marry me because I am Disabled, so a huge part of me feels like I have to. A big finger in the air to those that tell me I can't. That no one would want me. But do I really need to prove these things to these people? 

When I mention this to him he says it doesn't matter what other people think.

Those same people probably don't think I can have the life I'm building either. I am also not here to prove anything to anyone. I just need to live my life and not worry about other people think. 

The next article I found helped me view the other side and understand I am not this person. 

For many people, myself included, marriage is not something that you can negotiate on. Even if my partner was perfect in every other way, I would not want to stay with him if he didn't want to marry me. 

with quotes like this I realized why do I need some paper, some party, some outdate rituals to tell me what love is. 

The article goes onto say he's basically not committing to you without a walk down the isle.  I don't think thats true at all. We commit everyday buy living together for the past 3 years. For adopting out dog together, spending holidays with each others families. Every event we go to together. Every piece we bring into our home. The funerals, the doctors appointments together, taking care of each other when we are sick. 

We already take each other to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. We've gone through all of that in the last 3 1/2 years and it may not last forever but even wedding aren't the key to forever. So for now I'm going to love this man and not worry about a piece of paper and live like these two.